The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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