If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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