Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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