On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
