I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
