I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
