If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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