ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
