You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
