Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
