youre lurking in front of me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
