Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
