then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
