Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
