I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
