How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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