put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
zippers are such a cool invention
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Shame - the story of my life.
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