guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You dont lie about slip and slides
They took my balls.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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