So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
