Your mouth is God's brothel.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
