My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sext me about skeletons
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
