I can tuck mytits in my pants
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
