I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
