We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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