No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
