you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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