if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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