omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
