I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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