can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
