I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
