They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
