I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
