CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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