u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
