just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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