Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
