She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
