Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
