it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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