Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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