she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
