If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
