Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
