How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
