the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
