I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
