Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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