I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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