I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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