He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
