You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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