Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
