haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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