he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
