paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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